An Open Letter To J Michael Bailey about transsexualism

jendah

“I am ready to admit to my own autogynephelia,” I blurted as I swung my legs into the car.

“What was that?” Patrick asked as his right hand turned the ignition.

“Oh nothing,” I replied.  “Just musing aloud.”

It was late winter, 2003. I had recently finished reading the definitive book on transsexualism, “The Man Who Would Be Queen”, by leading sex scientist J. Michael Bailey. Thanks to Bailey’s methodical and meticulous research on the science of gender bending, I had gained several new insights into my identity. Patrick had some spare time to kill after our appointment, and kindly agreed to give me a lift across town to my first autogynephilia support group meeting.

For years I had wondered where in the trans spectrum I fit in. TMWWBQ opened the doors of understanding for me by illuminating the true nature of transsexuals. Bailey laid out all the evidence. It’s very clear in his book if you take the time to read it.

There are two types you see, the “homosexual transsexual” and the “autogynephile.” To qualify as a homosexual transsexual, you have to only be sexually attracted to guys, ever. You need to be “boy crazy” from an early age. I had kissed a girl once in junior high and had a couple brief relationships with girls in high school. No matter that I had almost exclusively dated and had sexual relationships with men since my twentieth birthday, my autogynephilia was revealed by the fact that my first sexual relationship was with a girl my own age.

Another qualifier for homosexual transsexualism is age of transition. To be classified as a homosexual transsexual, you have to be living full-time as a woman by age twenty-five. I had heard of sex changes at the age of twenty. Back then I was so poor and lived so far away from GLBT culture that transition seemed like a fantasy. I had no idea that I could have been expressing my femininity as a show girl, or that I could get black market estrogen to feminize myself with.

My situation was such that I lost a handful of precious years that could have been spent transitioning young. A few years later, I made do choosing of my own volition to live as a woman on the weekends, without the benefits of hormones. A year or so after that, I turned twenty-five, and finally I had enough money to start a low-budget transition. It was at least another year after that before I went full-time. Due to a combination of lack of knowledge and agency, I missed the transition cut-off point for homosexual transsexualism by one year.

I tried to predict which careers the other group attendees might have. Bailey realized that autogynephiles typically worked as policemen, lawyers, computer programmers, scientists and physicians. Oftentimes AGP’s have military backgrounds. I had never been or done any of those things.

Homosexual transsexuals on the other hand, are all lingerie models, hair stylists and female impersonators. I didn’t do those things either! I wondered how all the middle-aged STEM career transitioners at the group meeting would react when I disclosed that I was an unlicensed Companion.

Would I still be accepted? Would I be asked to explain the difference between a Companion and a she-male? In the sex industry, transsexual is pretty much synonymous with she-male. To be a big-money making she-male sex worker, you have to be able to sustain an erection (the bigger the better), and you must be able to top guys with it. If a year and a half of taking 200mg Spironolactone daily had not already eliminated my ability to be “fully functional”, the very thought of penetrating a man with an organ I deeply wanted off my body would have rendered me impotent.

Would I be asked about my childhood? Would I have been described as a masculine or unusually feminine boy? I guess it all would depend on what age you were asking about and who you asked. My mother being a good Catholic wife, did not encourage my femininity displays as a child and when I got caught cross-dressing once too many times, my parents took me aside one afternoon, and prayed over me for what seemed like hours.

Experiences like that, combined with the taunts of “fag” and “you walk like a girl” caused me to compartmentalize all the behaviors that might be considered feminine, and I learned to project a certain amount of stoic machismo to compensate. What can I say? Having college-educated liberal parents who are willing to take you to a gender therapist after witnessing signs of gender nonconformity is a privilege. We can’t all have super-moms like Just Evelyn.

That being said, once I became a latch-key kid, I had little parental supervision of any kind and I grew out my hair. Sporting long hair as a teenager and young adult male did occasionally cause me to be misgendered in public; an experience which I cherished back then. I guess it’s only transphobic if you get misgendered while deliberately trying to pass as the opposite sex.

We were about halfway to our destination at this point, and as we were stopped at a traffic signal light, waiting for it to turn green, I began to have misgivings about showing up to the meeting. AGP transsexuals typically have established careers, and they are often married and have had children. I didn’t want to inflict myself and my gender issues on a heterosexual woman. I had already done that once soon after high school and we didn’t last. During the time we were dating I was always envious of her femaleness and female socialization. After we broke up, I decided from there on out that I wanted to be the woman in the relationship, and that meant dating men.

Then too, I wondered how the other transwomen would react to my appearance. I had another client scheduled that day, about an hour after the support group, so I was wearing my ordinary work clothes. My job at the time required me to express a certain degree of hyper-femininity and I sort of looked like I might be trying to get a role on the show Sex and The City with my matching skirt and high heels, french manicure and big hoop earrings.

From what I had read in The Man Who Would Be Queen, autogynephiles had a history of dressing in private the way I dressed when I was working. The difference is that I used my outfits to project sensuality, availability and vulnerability because I wanted to make money. Many (most?) AGPs it seems, dressed like I did in order to reach climax while masturbating.

I didn’t need J. Michael Bailey’s book to learn that. I routinely dealt with requests for cross-dressing play and forced feminization from potential clients. That was not a service I provided and as a courtesy to my sisters of the night, I would refer clients with such requests to professionals whom I knew would be better able to serve them.

If things played out at the meeting the way I was imagining in my head, I could easily see having the authenticity of my autogynephelia questioned, and rightfully so. Granted, by Bailey’s definition, I was a late transitioner and by his definition, not a homosexual transsexual. Except I didn’t have the requisite corporate job, wife and kids to be AGP. I was prepared to be understanding if they were skeptical. But they wouldn’t be the only ones checking for bonafides.

In my bag I was bringing with me a binder filled with vagina photos. In between its covers lay hundreds of large, glossy full-color images of vaginas, each with the clitoris, urethra, and vaginal introitus clearly marked. If the other members of the group gravitated to and spent most of the meeting time eagerly flipping through the pages of my little project, I would know for sure that I was in the company of autogynephiles.

 tl;dr version

J. Michael Bailey, I reject your two-types of transsexuals taxonomy. I reject the DSM, and your book.  I was not mentally ill for wanting to spend my life as a woman. I was not paraphelic for having wanted to have a vagina. I did not have a birth defect or an intersex condition. I did not have a physical disease or a mental disorder.

I just wanted to live my life as a woman, and the technology was close enough for me to pursue being physically altered to be as female-bodied as is possible in this day and age. There was nothing wrong with me pretransition and there was nothing wrong with me post transition. Is that so hard to understand?

I was not a gay boy or a panty-whacker, and I am very sorry that my lived experience and my identity narrative totally screws up your impeccable research. Of course, from what I read in your book, you seem to just assume we all lie about our gender identities anyway (so we don’t unintentionally screw up receiving our surgery letters or out of shame of admitting that panty-whacking is needed to reach climax), so I am not sure what benefit there could be in a dialogue if you are unwilling to take me at my word.

Needless to say, I do not agree with J Micheal Bailey’s “science” of transsexualism. Neither Mr. Bailey, nor the people in the case studies in his book speak for me and my experiences. Most of the experiences I related here did happen. The AGP support meeting was a literary device that never occurred. The binder of vaginas refers to a certain well-known AGP advocate.

I didn’t actually read your book until several years after it came out, but once I read it, I felt invisiblized by your taxonomy, and I wanted to speak up against it. It just took me awhile to find the right words to express myself.

Posted in gender identity disorder, gender politics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Now now Gallus…

Separating fact from fiction:

scorpionandthefrog

Lie: I sent three different comments.

Truth: I sent one which she chose not to approve. I calmly stated:

“You removed the link to UVG’s testimony. You can not be trusted.”

Truth: I did once have another blog for about a month on which I posted some pretty steamy trans-lesbian erotica. Two short stories actually.

I was a total newb back then and didn’t realize radical feminist thought was not compatible with erotica.

What she didn’t mention is how often she used to visit that blog to read and reread them.

Easily 70% of the views on those pieces were from Gallus (the other 30% were from some of her blog friends I am pretty positive).

Source: WP stats

When I calculated that certain radfem bloggers spent more time reading my protrans blog than my gender critical blog, I made it private.

GM “accidentally” (yeah sure) hit “like” on one of them once, then unliked it about 1.4 seconds later…

Too. Awkward.

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Transgender Teen’s Plight Used By Connecticut’s DCF

In February 2014, we learned about Jill with the New Haven Independent reporting:

When the state’s child welfare agency placed Jill in a group home, she ran away and recruited others to do the same. The agency then sent the 16 year old, who’d first entered state custody after her family abused her, to a locked, out-of-state facility to receive treatment and to prevent her from running away again.

While there, she assaulted a member of the staff, leaving the worker blind and with a broken jaw.

Jill, whose real name is not public because she is under 18, is just one of several cases the head of the Department of Children and Families says she can point to for proof that a new locked facility for girls who break the law is needed in Connecticut.

Gallus Mag at Gendertrender did her own write up on this titled:

“Ultra-Violent Girl” used in testimony to justify new female juvenile locked-facility turns out to be male transgendered

How did “Ultra Violent Girl” get so violent? Abandonment and institutionalization combined with lots and lots of forced contact with male sexual violence starting from age 8.

When I tried to post this link to Jill’s recent court testimony over at GenderTrender, Gallus Mag edited my post to remove that link. The link was posted in good faith, so that readers would have some background to assess how Jill became so violent.

Abandoned by her parents. Abused by her family. Abused while in custody. Jill has been used, abused, and used again. Of course, I share Gallus Mag’s concern for the safety of females, given Jill’s proven track record of assaulting women, but I don’t think being sent to adult prison without charge or sentence is the right course of treatment for a minor who has been so let down by everyone whose job it was to care for her.

I think once you read Jill’s testimony, you would agree that what Jill needs is a break from a horrible life of sexual abuse, abandonment and imprisonment, as well as some compassion. The system has utterly failed her.

As a blogger, I understand and use editorial privilege on comments, but the sole purpose for removing my link to Jills testimony was to poke holes at my jest that Jill “won” the Oppression Olympics before puberty and so that no one over at GenderTrender would be tempted to feel pity for her. This is dishonest, and what respect I had for Gallus Mag’s tenacity and stubbornness in the face of trans censorship has been spoiled.

As for what should be done with Jill, there are several points to consider:

Jill has an extensively documented history of violence towards females. Jill is a serious risk to the safety of female offenders and to female staff. If I were an offender, I would not feel safe with Jill as my roommate, or with Jill anywhere near me.

Jill has a devastating history of sexual victimization at the hands of men. If I were Jill, I would never feel safe in the presence of men. If I had gone through a fraction of what Jill has experienced as a child and adolescent, I would want to be far far away from anyone with a penis.

For the safety of Jill, being housed with males in unacceptable. For the safety of women, being housed with Jill is unacceptable. There is no good option here.

If I were Jill, I’d be very angry with the world right now. I would have zero trust for anyone. I would never feel safe in any home or institution. If I were Jill, I’d want to be left alone for a long time. I would resent losing my teen years due to being locked up. If I were Jill, I would hold it against society for allowing all those things to happen to me.  I’d have a chip on my shoulder, and be more than a little jaded and cynical about life.

What Jill needs is practically impossible. If Jill is ever going to be a productive and happy human being, she needs to be safe and able to heal. You can’t heal from trauma in prison.

Jill’s needs are still not being met, and while I am leery of socialism, I think that because society has failed Jill in every way possible, with everyone involved having failed their duties as parents, guardians and care takers, society owes Jill a chance at a life worth living.

If it were up to me, I would have Jill taken to a comfortable retreat in a placid, remote area with nothing but the woods or the mountains or a desert or lakeside view. Some place safe, and away from concrete walls and barbed wire and punishment. Away from both women and men. She would then be allowed to take as many years as she needs to decompress and heal from the pain and oppression of her first sixteen years.

Of course, that’s never going to happen. Jill is just one of millions of people who could use a pampered vacation from a life of oppression. The female youths that Jill has been housed with in various facilities also have stories to tell. They didn’t get into those places because life was a walk in the park.

I sympathize with the anger that Jill must feel at all times, but assault and battery of staff and residents is not an acceptable way to express that anger. Having lost some of my teens in placements, I have an inkling of what Jill is going through. I too lost faith in the system, after being violated and betrayed by employees of the state who were paid to protect me.

Still, I learned to control my temper back then because I knew that acting out would just escalate the state’s response to my behaviour. There is a clear progression of loss of freedoms as you get moved into more restrictive programs, with prison being the ultimate possibility.

Additional coverage: 

http://www.courant.com/news/connecticut/hc-transgender-youth-treatment-0418-20140417,0,15946.story

http://www.courant.com/news/connecticut/hc-transgender-juvenile-sent-to-prison-20140409,0,6060233.story?page=1

http://www.ctnow.com/news/hc-transgender-youth-decision-0412-20140411,0,4651823.story

http://www.ctnewsjunkie.com/archives/entry/state_struggles_to_house_transgender_youth/

http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/the-stream/the-stream-officialblog/2014/4/10/connecticut-transgenderyouthtransferredtoadultjail.html

http://www.nhregister.com/opinion/20140416/editorial-connecticut-wrong-to-imprison-transgender-teen

(intersex appropriation in the comments @ nhregister)

Sign a petition to release Jill from adult prison.

Jill is being held in solitary most of the time without charge or sentence. Pretty horrible way to spend your days as a teenager.

 

Posted in gender politics | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Coming out as transsexual? Head’s up about our politics

wonka-trans

Welcome to the club!

Solidarity in Sisterhood

Solidarity in Sisterhood

Posted in gender politics, the internet is scary | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

Janet Mock does not speak for me.

A couple weeks ago, I saw a tweet from Parker Marie Molloy regarding Janet Mock and trans100. I should have screen-capped the tweet to cover my bum, and I am too lazy today to go through all her tweets looking for it. Her tweet said something like: “I’m standing in the presence of greatness.”

“Really?” thought I. Then I went looking for the alleged greatness.

What I found, I did not agree with. I can’t compete with Mock’s media popularity, which she is using as a platform in her desire to create a new trans narrative. But I can discuss how Janet’s experiences were different from mine, and why Janet doesn’t speak for me.

On the title “Fish Food” and where “Fish” came from:

[The name] is more of a wink to the community, to the trans women I grew up with. One of the things that was told to me that was encouraging to me growing up was, “Oh, you’re a fish.” Fish is this kind of slang within the community, “Oh you look like a girl, you’re fish.” —Janet Mock

That’s just…yuck. I assume Janet is referring to the local GLBTG scene in Hawaii. The trans women Janet grew up with created and or use the word “fish” to describe looking like a girl. Janet not only seems fine with this, but was winking at her Hawaiian trans community by titling her book “Fish Food”. But there is no harm in calling someone who looks like a girl a “fish”, right? There couldn’t possibly be any negative connotations or baggage associated with that?

Women who grew up socialised as women from birth are bombarded with messages about the unpleasantness of their bodies, especially their vaginas.

“With nicknames like “Fish Taco,” it’s no wonder we freak out. Many women I meet absolutely despise their vaginas, as if they completely buy into whatever childhood messages they were fed about how the vagina is “dirty” and “bad.” For these women, any odor wafting up from down there acts as a big stinky banner of how much they hate their girlness. With vagina nicknames such as “fish taco,” “crotch mackerel,” “cod canal,” “fish factory,” “fuzzy lap flounder,” “tuna town,” and “raw oyster,” it’s no wonder we worry about how we smell.”

— Lissa Rankin, gynecoloist,

How Vaginas Are Supposed To Smell

Best case scenario? Janet Mock’s trans community, the people she learned this from anyway, are clueless on certain aspects of FAB life? Worst case scenario? I could see some women calling out “looks like girl=fish” as misogyny. Although it’s possible there is some harmless element of Hawaiian culture at work there, that I am ignorant about.

It’s the kind of reasoning you might expect from someone who learned womanhood from transwomen, as opposed to learning womanhood from women who were born and raised as women. Transwomen could not be expected to be sensitized to the issue, because shared boyhood means we didn’t get the memo. But Janet Mock doesn’t accept shared boyhood, which I will go into more, presently.

On the underground trans-railroad of sex work:

(excerpts from Janet’s b/vlogs)

Yet my economic hurdles were real and urgent, and I couldn’t deny that witnessing the women of Merchant Street take their lives into their own hands, empowered me. Watching these women every weekend gathered in sisterhood and community, I learned firsthand about body autonomy, about resilience and agency, about learning to do for yourself in a world that is hostile about your existence.

These women taught me that nothing was wrong with me or my body and that if I wanted they would show me the way, and it was this underground railroad of resources created by low-income, marginalized women, that enabled me when I was 16 to jump in a car with my first regular and choose a pathway to my survival and liberation.

And so for me yeah, there is this shame attached and a stigma attached to being a sex worker for me, but there’s also the other things I got from that. A sense of community, sisterhood, resiliency, resources, strength. It was like our underground railroad and resources to navigate a system not built for us. And for me that’s what sex work gave me.

Is this empowerful or what? Personally, I found no sense of community, sisterhood and resiliency when I was in the underground railroad. It could be that most of the trans sisters I met who did sex work were junkies, and junkies steal stuff and tell lots of lies! From cosmetics, to clothes, to loose cash lying around, to your paper mail, if you ever invite a street-walking, meth-addled trans-sister to your home, you have to nail everything to the ground or lock it up in a vault.

If you leave the room, or turn your back for even a minute while a needy, transwoman-addict-sex worker is there, you will lose stuff. I had to deal with the big credit bureaus some years ago, on account that my real name and social security number was jacked by another transwoman I had over my apartment for a few days back in 2002. Said transwoman went on to default on rent payment for an apartment in a different state, and I later had to prove that I was not that transwoman and get my credit fixed.

I’ve written about my experiences working as a prostitute before. I did it for a year and half. I worked the street like Janet and her Merchant Street friends a handful of times over the course of a few weeks. Hopping into cars was very dangerous, illegal, and did not pay well for the risk.

As fast as I could I developed myself as a commodity, and sold my companionship on the internet for much much more money than you can get on a curb or in a bar. Once I was working from home and away from my local version of the Merchant Street scene, I had nothing more to do with the vibrant culture of the trans-underground railroad of resources.

Other than the sexy shoes and a lot of taxi rides to expensive hotels, (and the invites to parties and the expensive drugs) there was not much glam to it. It was just a job I did to survive. One that I did only as long as I had to.

The only thing I could consider empowering about the experience of being a professional call-girl was the business angle of it. Namely, developing a product, marketing a service, booking dates, delivering the service to my clients, and getting paid. Those are all aspects of successful small business management. I taught myself as I went along. With the money I made, I got off welfare. I paid for my own rent, my food, my hrt, my electrolysis, and my business overhead like make-up, sexy clothes, cab fare, and online advertising space.

For the number of dates I had with guys during that year and a half, I was only assaulted once. I exited sex work without stealing from my sisters, without becoming an intravenous drug user, and without getting a sexually transmitted disease or a criminal record. I got out of prostitution alive and in good mental and physical health. I consider myself lucky.

On shared boyhood:

Trans Retcon

Trans Retcon

—Janet Mock @janetmock.com

Why I take issue with this, (or, why there are so many things wrong with this)

You know what retcon means right? Retroactive continuity. It’s a trope that originated in comic books. Essentially it means back-filling a narrative with details and history which may or may not be at odds with established canon.

How does retconning apply to trans-narratives? It happens when a transwoman says of her past life lived as a man, “I was always a girl”.

How do I know it’s a retcon? Because I too transitioned. I wasn’t as fortunate as Janet to transition at eighteen. Had the Marie Claire article been about me, the narrative would be, “Until she was 25, Plastic Girl was a boy”.

Why do I accept this? For starters, how about the boy’s name I was given by my mother? How about sex: male, on my old birth certificate? How about standing in the boys line after recess in school? How about using the men’s restroom a million times? How about two decades being socialized as a guy?

It’s all true. I was born a boy. I grew up a boy. I distinctly remember being made fun of in elementary school for “walking like a girl” and so, to avoid bullying, I studied manliness and learned to walk like a dude. In fact, I remember that incident as my first conscious attempt to “pass” or “perform” as a guy, because the authenticity of my masculinity was being challenged by my grade school peers!

I own my past and I like to think that I am realistic about it. I have XY chromos. For over two decades, I had a penis. I had testosterone in my body. I smelled like a dude. I absorbed bro-culture. I admit that I cracked my own share of homophobic or misogynistic jokes while trying to fit in with dude-life.

There is no shame for me to admit that I was a boy. No shame in admitting that becoming a girl was actually a transition. It was something I worked at.

It took years of peforming gender mimicry, conscious resocialization, in addition to the hormones, before I felt honestly I could call myself a woman (as opposed to a transwoman). And because there is no shame in admitting that I was born, raised and socialized into manliness, I don’t find it glaringly hurtful and misgendering to have someone else point that fact out.

In closing, Janet Mock is a media personality now. She has the ears and eyes of a large audience and she has stated she wants to change the face of the media’s image of the trans narrative. I don’t agree with going back into my past, and rewriting my personal history by appropriating girlhood or inventing one that I didn’t have, which is what it seems to me that Janet Mock is doing by claiming she was “always a girl”. That kind of denial and rewriting of one’s narrative is not healthy for the transwomen she claims to want to inspire, because it is an affirmation based on willful self-deception.

More information on retroactive continuity can be found @TV Tropes

Janet Mock “And for me that’s what sex work gave me” @ youtube

“I was born a boy” By Janet Mock as told to Kierna Mayo @marieclaire.com

“I was always a girl.” Janet Mock @janetmock.com

Why is it so offensive to say that transwomen grew up as boys? @queerty.com

 

Posted in #NATWALT, feminism, gender identity politics | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Before you transition: a word about mental health

One of the best suggestions I can give anyone, male-born or female-born, who wants to transition to the opposite sex and take on opposite gender roles in a binary-gendered world is this: Get your other comorbid mental and emotional health problems sorted out first.

Here is a politically incorrect but scientifically accurate insight. We are not all chemically imbalanced all the time because of our genes. The burden of proving this is on the very same people who have a vested interest in getting you on as many treatments for all your supposed disorders as they can, for as long as they can. You have heard of this term ‘maintenance treatment’. It is a euphemism for psychiatric medication user for life and that is what corporate pharma wants you to be, because it makes Big Money and for no other reason than that.

If you want to transition, you could consider yourself pregnant with yourself. And why not? If you transition you will be a self-absorbed child/teen all over again, so why not give yourself the best physical head start on your new life?

Hormones are mind-altering, in addition to being body-altering. Psych meds are also mind and body altering. As long as you have psych meds coursing through you, it is unlikely that you have an accurate gestalt of your interior world. Because part of your current lived personality, as well as your ongoing thoughts and feelings, are due to ongoing psychotropic drug effects.

How do you find the Real You™ underneath a chemical screen of mind and feeling-altering drugs? How do you know which feelings are you and which ones were caused or controlled by drugs that are in your body day and night?

Do you see the problem here and the conflict of interest inherent in trying to figure out the causes of your moods and thoughts whilst simultaneously taking drugs that distort or mask your sense of those things? Do you really grasp the wild-card that you are introducing into an already unstable or unsure emotional situation by taking mood-altering substances all the time, when you are already taking other mood-altering substances all the time?

If you were unfortunate enough while you were growing up in the last twenty years to pick up one or more trendy psych labels, I strongly urge you not to transition until you honestly don’t own those labels anymore.

Bipolar disorder happens to be the psychiatric flavor-of-the-last-couple-decades and chances are, if you received this dx as a child or teen, you are not truly bipolar disordered. If you do the research, you will find that “real” manic depressives, the ones written about in Kraeplin’s work, are not you. Manic depression used to be a purely adult psychiatric problem that was only diagnosed on adults who couldn’t stay out of mental hospitals.

If you have some emotional lability during your day, you are not hypomanic. There is no such thing as a disease symptom of ‘hypomanic’. It was made up in the last few decades so it could be treated with, what else? Psych meds. If you think you should be labeled with bipolar disorder on account of being unable to handle your mood swings, you will likely have a hard time handling going on hormones.

If you got a bipolar dx because you are angry-manic or angry-depressed, guess what? Testosterone will probably only make that worse.

If you suffer from being ‘moody’ or having your emotions go all over the place, you may not be able to handle estrogen.

If you want to think of your emotions as being polar, consider that estrogen will cause those poles to go further up and further down. This could easily be misinterpreted in today’s psychiatric climate as having suddenly graduated from bipolar 2 to bipolar 1, which will only get you another script.

My suggestion is to learn to deal with the thoughts and emotions you have in your current body and mind before switching hormones, or you will likely go from being maybe occasionally bipolar-like to flat-out crazy and you won’t know what is going on. It is stress? Is it your thoughts? Is it a bipolar mood swing? A hormonal mood swing? A psych med effect?

Your challenge will be that you are unable to separate your mood and stress problems—from the effects of the psych drugs on your mind—from your HRT effects. Consequently,  you may be forever lost inside yourself, unable to know or feel the Real You™.

You can comment if you like. But if you try to tell me about how your genes or your chemical imbalance make you a person with a label from the DSM, then your comment will end up in the spam tray. On account that, you actually believe everything the TV commercials and the flashy web ads told you about mental illness, and you could not be bothered to fact check the reality of all that stuff before having your say.

As a former sufferer of depression, I am very sympathetic to those with mental illness. But you will never convince me you have a “neuro-physical-genetic mental disorder” until you can post your mental illness gene assay test results to the tubes and prove it to me. Until you can do that (which will never happen), please don’t waste your keystrokes informing me from your medical expertise whilst regurgitating easily debunkable drug company advertising copy.

Consider this please: Do you really want to transition from being a male with mental illness, to being a female with mental illness? Or vice versa? Was that the dream you had of your new self? To be just as disordered in your born-again life and body, as the life and body you left behind? Think about it. Really hard.

thoughts

Plastic Girl is not an MD and this post should be taken as opinion and not as medical advice.

Posted in gender identity disorder, transgender health | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Real Vagina Body Mod Now A Reality, Ovaries Next Please

An amazing new research project has grown real vaginas and noses for patients.

Vaginas and Noses Can Be Grown From Cells

 

It’s possible to grow new vaginas and noses for patients from their own cells, according to a recently released study in the respected medical journal The Lancet.

The vagina study noted that several disorders, including cancer and injury, can require reconstructive techniques.

It focused on four Mexican teenagers who were born with a rare disorder that meant they didn’t have vaginas and followed them over a three-year period.

Tissue the size of a postage stamp was taken from each of them and grown and molded in a laboratory.

The study concluded that the vaginas, made from the patients’ own cells, functioned normally.

 

Functional Vagina Grown From Donor Cells = Future-tech Sex Reassignment Surgery = Transhuman Body Mod

 

Tissue-engineered autologous vaginal organs in patients: a pilot cohort study

http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(14)60542-0/abstract

The BBC also reported on this:

Doctors Implant Lab Grown Vagina

Four women have had new vaginas grown in the laboratory and implanted by doctors in the US.

A tissue sample and a biodegradable scaffold were used to grow vaginas in the right size and shape for each woman as well as being a tissue match.

They all reported normal levels of “desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction” and painless intercourse.

Experts said the study, published in the Lancet, was the latest example of the power of regenerative medicine.

In each woman the vagina did not form properly while they were still inside their mother’s womb, a condition known as vaginal aplasia.

Current treatments can involve surgically creating a cavity, which is then lined with skin grafts or parts of the intestine.

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-26885335

Dr Anthony Atala, director of the Institute for Regenerative Medicine at Wake Forest, told the BBC News website:

“Really for the first time we’ve created a whole organ that was never there to start with, it was a challenge.”

In the experiment, “A small tissue biopsy was taken from the poorly developed vulva and grown to create a large batch of cells in the laboratory.” If this were done for male-to-female patients, would it work the same way?

If they took a biopsy from our male genitals, would the cells start to grow into a penis, or could the cell culture be tricked into growing into a vagina? This is my biggest question, and I imagine the biggest hurdle for growing transwomen a vagina from their own donor materials.

I have to wonder if these scientists could grow me my own vagina from my cells. I also have to wonder if it would be possible to modify my artificially created vagina with this technology. A vagina grown from my own cells would be far superior to a vagina made from inverted penile and scrotal tissue. This advance has possibly come too late for me, but this is going to be the future of SRS, make no mistake about it. Sorry Dr. Suporn!

From my Transhumanism page, March 2011

While it is true that the surgeries are primitive and limited, now, I’ve dreamed of a future where part of reassignment surgery would be growing and installing a set of ovaries, tubes, a uterus, all the required reproductive works, out of my own stem cells. Maybe I was born, not in the wrong body or the wrong society, but the wrong age in human society and culture.

-Plastic Girl

In related news:

Ears and noses are being grown from stem cells in petri dishes in the UK. link

Tiny Stem Cell Livers Grown In Laboratory link 

Scientists Make Laboratory Grown Kidney link

 

 

Posted in gender identity disorder, transhumanism, women's reproductive health | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The Trans Code Of Silence

You may have heard of the Blue Code of Silence. It’s comes from law-enforcement culture.

From Wikipedia:

The Blue Code of Silence (also known as the Blue Shield, Blue Wall, Curtain, Veil, or Cocoon is an unwritten rule among police officers not to report on a colleague’s errors, misconducts, or crimes. If questioned about an incident of misconduct involving another officer (e.g. during the course of an official inquiry), while following the code, the officer being questioned would claim ignorance of another officer’s wrongdoing.

There is a similar culture among my trans-sisters, one that I am calling the Trans Code of Silence. You see it in action every time one of us is caught behaving badly, yet still being supported by the trans-community.

Trans Code of Silence

Trans Code of Silence

If you are a scientist and you publish something that makes me angry, the best way to gain traction on this issue, or to show my outrage, would be to go look up said scientist, and download images of their family. Then take these images, attach vulgar commentary as a caption, and then post those images on my own website, a website created to educate and offer information and resources to a specific community. Further, when called out on my behavior by another educator, I proceed to send them threatening emails so they know just how I feel about it.

This is a great idea for activism, is it not? Of course it isn’t. And if you have half a brain, you realize that that kind of behavior is both moronic and self-defeating. And anyone with a full and intact brain, would distance themselves from someone that modeled that behavior, call it out for being inappropriate and harmful to our cause. Such is the case with a former role model of mine, Andrea James.

Back around 2000 or so, when I started my own transition, I looked up to Andrea James. I remember her old facial feminization and hairline advancement surgery photos. I had a permanent bookmark to her TS roadmap site on my browser so I could quickly look up information or resources useful to my transition. Perhaps the most valuable of all her pages to me, was her information and tutorials on “how to develop your female voice”.

Maybe a year, year and a half after I found her resources, I stopped visiting TS Roadmap. It had served its purpose for my transition needs, and thank you very much, Andrea.

At some point around 2003, J Michael Bailey’s book on transsexualism came out, and I heard through the trans grapevine that it was profoundly offensive. But it wasn’t until around 2006 or 07 that I trawled the internet one afternoon, looking for information about it. That is when I found Alice Dreger’s website, and read about her encounter with Andrea James’ and Ms. James particular brand of activism.

Ms. James was one of many transgender women who were deeply offended by Michael Bailey’s 2003 book, The Man Who Would Be Queen. But Ms. James was notable for the way she decided to go after Bailey’s children to extract revenge. She posted on the internet photographs of Bailey’s daughter and labeled her a “cock-starved exhibitionist.” James also claimed in her online publications that there “are two types of children in the Bailey household,” namely “those who have been sodomized by their father [and] those who have not.”

I also heard from Ms. James herself who unfortunately lived down to my expectations by sending me obnoxious emails including threats. Some people have asked me whether these were really threats. Let me say they were threatening enough that I sent the mail on to my dean, who sent it on to university counsel, who asked me to let the police know about our concerns. I am not bothering to post what she wrote since I see no point in spreading what amounts to rhetorical toxins. Let me just say that her choice of the admonition “Bad move, mommy” suggested she is still interested in dragging people’s children (including now my own) into her intimidation tactics. Her further reference to my five-year-old son as my “precious womb turd” also suggested that she is astonishingly juvenile.

When I read this, I was infuriated. I had looked up to Andrea when I was young and trying to forge my new identity. But this behavior I could not countenance. This made us all look bad and hurts our activism efforts. Although I did not message Andrea back then, to convey my contempt and disappointment, I really wanted to for awhile. I also considered emailing Ms Dreger to apologize, you know #natwalt, and all. But I moved on and eventually forgot about it until I found Andrea James on youtube around 2008 (09?).

How Kathy Padilla can describe Andrea James’ activism with regards to Bailey, “laudable” is simply beyond my comprehension. I’ve read “The Man Who Would Be Queen” and it is pretty horrible and I may give an extensive review on the book at a later date. But just because I think the book was bad, and that the author should feel bad about publishing it, does not make what Andrea James did to Mr. Bailey’s family “laudable”.  Kathy Padilla’s moral compass is in dire need of an adjustment.

There was a self-described “Che Guevara trans-activist” named Hexydezimal who, for awhile back in 2011 spent his time trolling radical feminists.  After seeing his misogynistic comments all over the place, I became angry, and I decided that he was done transactivisting for me, and I exposed him. Even though it was blatantly obvious this dude was mentally unhinged and had not even begun to transition yet, all it took was for him to claim to be transsexual and a trans activist, and soon his blog was being listed on a variety of other transbloggers pages. No censure from any of my other sisters.

Zoe Brain is another example. I do not believe for one second, that ZB had a spontaneous sex change. I will not believe ZB is intersexed until I see the medical paperwork proving this with my own eyes. ZB’s blog is hosted at other transwomen’s blogs, all over the place. Why? This person is a liar. This person has appropriated intersex identity. This person has spent over six years, finding every article about trans online, and then (in the comments section) proceeding to explain to everyone how brain sex proves that our brains are exactly like the brains of non trans women, which is wrong.

Zoe’s science interpretation is badly flawed. Zoe’s pretending to be intersex is just plain sick in the head. It’s obvious that ZB has major problems, and yet I still see that people are hosting ZB’s blog on their websites and blogrolls. Why?

More recently I saw a tweet from a transwoman, requesting financial assistance in order to raise a bounty on Gallus Mag at gendertrender. Now let’s follow this through. You raise a bounty. You finally find out who GM is. GM gets doxxed. The bounty gets paid. Now what? What is the measured and appropriate response to dealing with GM’s behavior? More death threats? Phone harassment? Real life stalking?

When I wrote about Aeryn Fulton impersonating me online, did any other transwoman come here and tell me,  “Well, I don’t agree with your stance on a lot of things, Plastic Girl, but what Aeryn did by appropriating your identity and spewing his racist, misogynistic and violent posts all over the internet was a bit beyond the pale.”

No. Not one.

Do you remember back in 2011, the video of a transwoman at McDonald’s being refused entry to the women’s restroom by the security guard? Here is some of the comments my sisters left (they are still there to read).

This security guy needs charges of hate crime brought against him for continually refering to her as (Him and HE)! Not sure what the law makes of that over there. If it was here I would have reported his transphic hate bullying to the police. That is if I held it together long enough not to knock him spark out!

BroxieRothwell 2 years ago

THIS SECURITY GUARD SHOULD DIE HE IS AN IGNORANT MAN HES A BAD EXAMPLE FOR EVERYONE WHATS HIS FACEBOOK IMMA TELL IT TO HIS FACE:::HE SHOULD DIE::::THAT FUCKIN UGLY MAN SHOULD DIE BULÖLSHIT

hitomi2232 2 years ago

I hope someone murders that security guard !!

Qlassy2 years ago

Did any of my out-and-proud trans-sisters take those three young transwomen to task for their violent language in the comment section of that video? Did any of my sisters try to point out that, responding to discrimination with violent intent and violent rhetoric is not only unfeminine and maabtastic but totally anti-activism?

Not one. Not then. And not in two years since.

The reason? The Trans Code of Silence. You see, even though we all have different opinions, we are supposed to “stand together in unity”, against our “cis” oppressors to fight against ignorance and transphobia, wherever we find it.  This code means that transwomen who should be called out for their behaviour, or censured, or unfriended and unfollowed are basically given a free pass, in the interest of maintaining solidarity.

 

 

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Deep Irony Productions

Something has always bothered me about Deep Stealth Productions.

From wikipedia:

The name of the company is a reference to “deep stealth” which is used as a slang in the transsexual community to mean “living without question of discovery in one’s chosen gender identity.

The company is run by two transwomen. Andrea James and Calpernia Addams.

They’re not just out, they are very visible.

Doesn’t being out foreclose living without question of discovery?

Can anyone take advice on living stealth from two individuals who are anything but stealth?

Just saying…

 

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SSCAB/DSCAB: Reconsidering the Conversation

Originally posted on Big Mouth Girl:

[Note: There are several acronyms used throughout this post. If needed, you can hover your mouse over them to view meaning.]

In an online conversation about the use and application of the acronym “TERF” (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist [sometimes the E is said to stand for "Exterminating" or "Eradicating"]), a friend argued the semantics of calling something “women or female space” when what is meant is “space for women who are Female Assigned At Birth (FAAB).” As she put it, “Why is it OK to use the terms woman or female to describe FAAB spaces when you know very well that there is a conflicting view about the accuracy and appropriateness of those terms?”

Inevitably, conversations about separatist spaces intended for females devolve into assumptions or projections that such spaces are inherently “anti-trans.” The label “TERF” is applied to any female who admits to…

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